Parenting has a way of making perfectly reasonable adults say things they never imagined would come out of their mouths. Somewhere between the tenth “why?”, bedtime negotiations and a child testing the same boundary for the 47th time, logic disappears and the threats become increasingly creative.
Parents shared some of the wildest things they’ve caught themselves saying to their kids, and judging by these responses, absolutely nobody is bluffing harder than an exhausted parent. 😂
WolvenQueen
“I threatened to throw away my kid’s alphabet toys. He said ‘go ahead’… mind you he is the middle child and 3. I had to throw them away. The next day, he found one and said ‘you forgot one.’ Then he threw it into the trash….”
Large amounts of garlic
“I said to my son that if he didn’t go to bed I was going to eat his Pokemon cards. He didn’t listen. I had to keep my word. I found one of his duplicate cards and… ate the fucking card. I fucking ate a Pokemon card. Half way through I realized that I crossed into crazy town and that me eating a Pokemon card is going to probably be a core memory for my child and I wouldn’t blame him for putting me in a nursing home as soon as he gets the chance. I apologized and told him what I did was weird.”
Crystal K
“sons were fighting. said I was gunna rip their arms off and make them beat each other with them.”
Chanija3
“Yesterday I said ‘If you don’t chill, I swear to god I will rip my face right off the bone’ 😭 back to school shopping in 110°”
1983
“The thing is though nothing we say even phases them”
Trey Kennedy
“My son wouldn’t try the new bounce house I got him. I said ‘maybe daddy will just return it!’ He said ‘okay I’ll help!’ He’s been crying for days to help me return it????”
nika
“my son wouldnt stop hitting so I told him i was going to call the doctor to schedule his hand removal surgery”
courtney717
“I said ‘if one of you jumps on the couch one more time I’m gonna drag the couch to the front yard and light it on fire and we will all stand there and watch it burn’ yesterday.”
Taylor LeBlanc
“My daughter (4) was throwing a fit about driving to go pick up dinner. She said ‘I dont want to go get dinner.’ I said ‘fine then get out the car.’ She said ‘on the road?’ Me: ‘YEP!’ 😂 Then a few weeks later she hits me with ‘I love you Mommy, I’d never make you get out on the road.’ ❤️😂”
kgaoue
“‘If you don’t let me brush your hair and it gets too tangled the police come to take mommy away’”
Brittaney_Holder
“My daughter kept touching everything at the store and knocking stuff over and I told her if she didn’t stop I was gonna cut her hands off and keep them in my purse until she figures out how to stop touching everything 😭 I hadn’t slept in over 24 hrs idk”
Apple User994685
“My wife told my kids this morning she was going to delete all the games on the xbox…but like…90% of them are mine…I hope she doesn’t”
J.Nine
“Told my son that if he kept acting like a crazy animal, I’d buy him a dog house and make him sleep outside”
gurlygirl123
“Sometimes I don’t even know what to say I just say ‘If you do that again… I’ll…’ Then walk away 😭”
monica
“‘If I have to repeat myself one more time, I will burn the house down!’ 😭 I started my period later that day. It explains everything.”
Katie
“I told mine I was gonna lock her outside and make her sleep in the chicken coop. Me and her both just sat there speechless 😂”
madi
“We have a monitor in my twins room and they call it ‘scary camera’ because once I used the microphone feature on it to tell them to go to sleep. So now I threaten that scary camera is going to talk to them and I’ve had a 99% listening success rate”
Court
“My neighbor is a sheriff so I usually just tell my kids I’m gonna have him take them to jail”
Natasha Christa Glenn
“There was a mom yelling at her kids at the pool and she screamed ‘I’m about to rip my arm off and throw it at you.’ I’ve never felt so seen.”
user2345
“My dad threw me into the forest because I wouldn’t learn how to swim a day”
rybh.
“I told my kids the other day if they don’t stop horse playing before bed (we live in an apartment) then we’re gonna get kicked out and go live in our car. They thought it was a fun idea 😂”
Jess
“My kids are treated like gold and I’ve said some crazy stuff that they don’t even blink at or believe me because of it. LOL! I’ve said I’m going to swing you like Mrs trunchable and the girl with the pigtails 😂”
Exchlosive
“I heard a mom at my kids daycare tell her child if he didn’t stop running she was going to take his feet and he’d never walk again and all I could was dang thats a good one 😂”
stef
“Told my kids I was going to tie them up in a knot and throw them to the moon. The only response I ever get is, ‘but mom, you’re not even strong like….’ 😭”
mrs.alyssamartin
“I have threatened to throw my sons favorite toys to the moon so many times”
amethystroyal
“My husband told our daughter if she didn’t go to bed he would kill the paw patrol and start with Ryder”
Dipdip_potatochip69
“I told my son if he didnt stop yelling I would eat his father 😭”
Tiffani
“luckily we have a monster named Dennis living in our vents who goes away when my son listens to rules… and comes back hungry when he hears misbehaving 😂”
user1563599177466
“My daughter was complaining about her NEWBORN brother while they were in a side by side pram and I went ‘if you don’t stop whinging I will THROW your brother in the pond’. Not my finest.”
Krislynn
“My almost 4 year old said she didn’t want to brush her hair a few times so finally I said ‘you know if you don’t let me brush your hair it’s all going to start falling out’ now she lets me do it and says ‘my hair gonna fall out if you don’t brush it’ 😂 I feel bad but it worked and she doesn’t cry”
KristyV
“I say, ‘you don’t even wanna know what I’m gonna do if you do that one more time’. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do tbh.”
anon
“I once told my kid I was going to throw him out the car window if he didn’t stop screaming. He immediately stopped and asked if I was serious. I said ‘do you want to find out?’”
Jonesy
“I told my kids if they kept fighting in the backseat I was going to pull over and make them walk home.”
SmithandWestern
“I told my daughter if she kept slamming her bedroom door I was going to take the whole door off and she could live without one.”
Notsosunshine
“My son kept asking ‘why?’ over and over so I finally told him ‘because I said so and if you ask me why again I’m going to scream into a pillow.’ He immediately brought me a pillow.”
